A Cursed Person With Black Art

In this world, there is nothing like fearing own self. But sometimes we all are scared of our powers. I don’t know about you, but it happens in me.

Do you know about Black Arts? This idea was present in medieval Europe. People having this Art had extraordinary capabilities… kind of supernatural. Their punishment was burning alive. (Well, may be I’ve forgotten the actual story.)

The debate started in my comments of my last blog. So I thought I could put an entry.

I’ve a strange quality. I can feel people. May be I’m not right all the time. But still I can feel something. When I hear songs, I can feel what was going through composer’s heart. When I see someone crying or having tough time, I can feel their pain… I know I don’t get the actual feeling; everyone has unique way of dealing with their own problems. The more I know a person, the better I’m in simulating his/her mind. Even I can feel a hidden sigh which people ignore. Sometimes I’m afraid of myself. The more you feel people around, the more pains you accumulate… Pain is something like knowledge. The more you propagate the more it gets propagated. There is no decrease in the original pain.

I have acquired this Voodoo force kind of intentionally. It started when I learned to feel people from their own place, not standing in my position. I tried to feel a child who is working to earn his food, a girl who is denied her rights simply because she is a girl, a person who is constantly denied his right because he didn’t have the power…

When I mastered this Art, things went fine… But it didn’t take much time to realize I’m already cursed with dark force… It’s like an illusion, a confusion, a hesitation, a mystery. But once you have this Art, you can’t give it up, or stop it… it keeps on going and going. Constant simulation…… newer dimensions…

I hate my life… I can’t bear this anymore… Can anyone help me out?

We are responsible for our own destiny… Things aren’t predetermined, but when we have a choice to make, we don’t even know what are the other things related.

Why Do I Write?

Why do I write? Is it an addiction or an escape route?

There was a time when I used to write when I was extremely depressed. I don’t know whether this helped or not. But sometimes masochistic joy of inflicting self pain used to appear the only way of enjoying life. When I sat in front of PC to write down things, I used to go to the deepest feeling, as worse it can be. I had a strange quality, I could simulate any situation and feel the way I felt with such intensity. If you can feel, exaggerate certain part, you can write words that come from the deepest of heart… And those turn out to be masterpieces. The first quality a good writer should have is s/he should have a heart to feel.

Anyway, that time is over for me. I don’t have much pain left inside me anymore.

So why do I still want to write? May be it’s the momentum. I’ve something in my mind to write down all the time. Or may be it’s my addiction, passion. May be it’s the only thing I’ve always had through out my life… My home tutor Solaiman Chy (in school and college level) would have been quite impressed to see my writings… the way I can write down my emotions and feelings, I should have studied English Literature instead of Genetic Engineering and Biotechnology. He always used to inspire me to write something, on any matter. He was one of the greatest and sensible person I have ever met… Me, Tanaeem and He… we used to share enlightenment… I miss him so much.

There are few people to whom I’m indebted for shaping me: Tanaeem, Solaiman Chy, Dad and Ishtu.

Meaningless Meaning

Sometimes trying to find meaning of everything is meaningless!

This morning I woke up with a strange feeling… excited… anxious… was it for exam? It shouldn’t be. I had a good preparation (My exam was good as well )… I was afraid thinking about the other alternative… No! I don’t want that again… I’ve locked it in the room… It shouldn’t have escaped… Thanks, the feeling was gone after saying Fajr prayer. I think it’s better not to search now .

The other event was in the gap between two classes. I was thinking about something, then asked a friend how was her exam? The answer was, “Not bad.” I said,”My one was good.” I started thinking again… Then I noticed a smile, in fact enigmatic smile… Well, what does that supposed to mean? Anyway, I decided not to bother about this one either. I had some serious thoughts going through my mind, I should solve that first.

Life is problematic if you try to make it… And don’t try to find meaning out of everything, otherwise you would make lots of meanings OUT OF NOTHING AT ALL!!!

Life is Beautiful

A friend used to say this, Mind-Heart game… I’m not sure though.

Its pretty funny. I feel like doing something, the next moment someone from inside tells me,” Hey! U can’t do that.” My response is, “Yeah, U’re right. I can’t do that.” Couple of minutes (may be more or may be less), I start concentrating in my studies… Things go on great… Then again, its the same dilemma… Its so weird, u resist doing something that comes from deep inside… But sometimes u’ve to.

Lately I’ve decided something… Feeling great…

Life is always great. We act foolishly thinking about the problems around. Just look at other sides, there are so many things to cheer, enjoy. Last time when Shejho Mama came from Australia I asked what you do in ur lazy times, like when u’re waiting at the Airport? He said, “There are lots of interesting stuffs around. I keep observing people around, engaged in different stuffs… some are busy, some are running, some are anxious, some are waiting… You need nothing to see this… Or I watch those small insects, jumping constantly to achieve a hieght more than ten times of their size.”

Learn to appreciate small things around… Life is beautiful… Try to see its beauties.

Bionic Robot, Gamma Version

It was 12th February, we’re in the lab. The practical was Blood grouping.

I felt like telling Moutusee something… What did I tell her? Well, here goes it.

” U read science fictions, dont u? Her answer was,’Yeah.’ Do you know about Beta Version of any software? She said,’No.’ So I explained her… when a software is released it is released as Beta Versoion… Users check how things are going on. When something is wrong, they sent feedback… the bug is fixed… I don’t know whether she got the meaning or not. Then I said, at the peak of Artificial Intelligence (AI) there will be Robots who would have emotions. But interesting thing about them is they will be able to control their emotions. I’m such a robot, but Beta Version… Sometimes emotion control system starts malfunctioning…”

I think the Beta Version has been upgraded to Gamma Version…

When you’ve none, you’ve everyone…

21:25 BST

19-02-2007

Had a lengthy practical… the worst part of it was all the data were out of range. That has never happened before. It’s true sometimes we have to do manipulations, but today all the data were self made! I can’t figure out what went wrong. Returned home around 6 pm, may be ten to fifteen minutes earlier. Tried to sleep, I think I slept for a while, but it wasn’t sufficient. So have been trying to sleep again, but I guess failure is the pillar of success.

Generally I don’t have to spend much time trying to sleep… especially when I’m tired. Rare events occur in life.

I had someone with whom I used to share all these words. Things have changed lately. No matter how much we try to prevent the change, life will follow its own course. May be those were the greatest moments of my life… anyway, I don’t regret for my actions. I made my choice; I’ve to face whatever I have to.

I tried to change whatever I had to, but the change itself denied to get changed… Instead it changed in the other way.

I thought days and nights would be lot worse. Anyway, human beings are highly adaptable and I am not doing bad.

I don’t know how you people feel reading this, but as I don’t have anyone to share, I’m sharing with everyone.

Enjoy Present as if there is no Past, no Future.

21:44 BST

19-02-2007

Updates:

Related posts:

Life is Beautiful

Bionic Robot, Gamma Version

A Life in A Week!

7 days… 168 hours… 10080 minutes… 604800 seconds…

My life has taken a complete turn. I had always believed twists and turns are part of human life. But I had no idea about its extent. No matter how much you try to deny, you’ll be surprised to see how fast things can change! Just like a flash! You won’t even get enough time to feel spellbound!

Yeah, life is a cruel game… the players are quite selfish. Still there are some extraordinary players who are altruist… May be they aren’t smart enough… May be they are reluctant to pretend… May be they are afraid to cheat themselves…

Human mind is an amazing stuff… a week back I believed the game is over… now I think a new game has started… but I’m happy… At least I know my life has a meaning… I’ve something to do… may be it is more important than the previous one.

Some people are great because they learn from their previous actions… Well, am I a great person? I don’t think so… but I’ve learnt a good lesson… and I think, so far it is the most important lesson of my life… ESCAPE IS BETTER THAN DENYING, FACING IS BETTER THAN ESCAPE.

Once a friend asked me, “What’s your greatest asset?” I had never thougth this way! I thought may be it’s my academic life… nopes, I was never a good student… may be it is always being true to my heart… I know I can’t do that all the time… but I do always try.

I don’t know what is in future… Lets wait and see…

The Story of Two

The Story of Two

0731 BST

11-02-2007

When solution is the start of yet another problem

When the key opens yet another key

When an enzyme is the first of a pathway instead being last

When end of a game is start of yet another

When termination of a simulation is a prelude to a more complex one

When death is the start of yet another life

When a realization is the beginning of yet another one

When escape is better then denial

When facing is better than escape

When revealing leads to unveiling of yet another one

When a un-instillation leads to reinstallation

When an antibody leads to numerous cross reactions

When each day is meaningless than the previous one

When selfishness is the start of guiltiness

When guiltiness has no meaning but a way of masochistic joy

When rationality is powerful over emotion

When vulnerability is masked beneath strength

When shock appears slowly, but progresses steadily

When inhibitors act as activators

When numbness is a way to escape

When Ego reigns over emotion

When one deliberately changes destiny

When days are better than nights

When nights are better than vacations

When crowd is better than being alone

When a Flash changes a life

When past is better than future

When memories are moments to be cherished

When books are closed to open a new one

When a chapter ends to open yet another one

When time passes to signify new opportunity

When friendship rules over everything

When motion is a way to circumvent emotion

When drag is an addiction, sprint a compulsion

When passion is a way to dodge affection

When patience is expressed in sobbing

When confusions are articulated in snivelling

When dilemmas are shown in tears

When sacrifice is the testimony of care

When hurting own is better than the other

When symphony is the reflection

When mirrors are manifestation

When luck prevails over doom

When the answer was known even before the question was out

When acknowledgement spurred speculation

When stupidity reigned over rationality

When wheels became death ride

When the pump exerted more force than ever

When the smartest person became the stupidest

When the secret was known to everyone

When two talked with each other more than they talked ever

When the pain of not having is overcome by hearing the pain of the other

When erratic minds were supported by chill

When the sky was inspired by the queen

When one of the three stars betrayed

When Ego ultimately decided to give up

When life got a new meaning

When cars only had receptors

When someone is more loved by machines than by any human

When automobiles are the only entity one can posses

When an iron man cries after more than half decade

When sympathy is expressed in helpless drops

When one decides not to fall��� apart from cars

Still life goes on��� with its own glory���

You can run, you can hide, but you can���t escape���

1014 BST

11-02-2007

Meeting 360

Yesterday I went to BUET and met Queen of the Rain and Saad Bhaya… two of my 360 friends.

Queen and I are quite good friends… we had not seen each other before. So thought we should meet each other… Was meeting Saad Bhaya surprize? Well, I don’t think so. (He also studies in BUET.)

How did I verify it is the real Queen? It’s a three star secret story…

The Royale Casino

Last Sunday, 9 of us went to see Casino Royale at Star Cinplex… I don’t enjoy James Bonds that much, things are too much supernatural. But this one was best of them.

Enjoy your time…